Category Archives: life


as we grow older, we all get our ‘first’s who set our standards for our future love life. I have never been anybody’s first and I have always felt that I was lacking a ‘wow’ factor to score such a factor. firsts are always beautiful creatures worthy of being muses. not only are they beautiful but they’re also smart and creative.

1) diana ring
oh, how i’ve wished I was you. how many days have I dreamed of dying my hair pink and forced myself to like Thrice and Thursday. how I’ve dreamt of running into you at Clark University… cutting up my shirts. days of staring at pictures of you, wondering how I could be more like you… after all, I have failed. I am not you, I don’t enjoy drinking that much, or destruction but I’ll still try to get 13 earrings. 3 down, 10 to go.

2) melanie espinosa
I’ve always admire how you’ve managed to charm and destroy two guys, best friends mind you, but I have never envied you. I don’t know why you’ve ever seen me as a threat since I obviously have nothing on you.

3) amanda feder
I have never really wished to be you but I’ve always admired you from afar. I see you as the ultimate artists’ muse. maybe if I was wittier, more aware, more beautiful, more extroverted… but alas, I will never be.

as for me, my first was P. he was OK-looking, very skinny. he had that magic touch that could bring the whole world at his feet. he was witty, aware and had such a contagious love for life and music. who could ever dislike this man?

Though P is my first “love” I have never had a first boyfriend. d always thought he could love me, but I could clearly see his inability to comprehend me. everyone that came along always lacked the one most important quality of all, which is the ability to deal with me. if you ran, if you ran… well, no matter how amazing or inspiring you were, then you were still not worthy enough to be My First Boyfriend.

I guess my problem was I never liked a guy who liked himself.