Two things happened fairly recently that really bugged me.
K made comments about the stretch marks around my underarms, and it reminded me of P. As if someone could ever really not like me because I have them? It sounds ridiculous, but hey, the guy who devirginized me named two things that turned him off in women, then he ran off to be with his girlfriend. All this fuckedupness really messed with my mind.
M said “Stop touching my boyfriend”. Yes, that comment was like a jab to the heart. I think of all the bitchy girlfriends who thought I was ready to steal their boyfriends away (and succeed?). Don’t they know that I lack what it takes to captivate a man’s heart? Hence the reason why I’ve never had a boyfriend.
The end of P was the end of my flirting with anyone already attached. I think it means no harm since I have no intention of actually acting on it, but the crazy girlfriend only sees danger. Honestly, I don’t think I can take another “fuck and leave”. I don’t want to be the mistress anymore… the “homewrecker”. I have dignity and self-respect that’s why I never lower my standards, because that’s when I regret it. It makes me “afraid” but it also saves me.
I hate that “Plan B” is advertised in all Concordia bathrooms. La pillule du “Oops, je savais pas qu’un gars pouvait venir aussi vite!”? Ahh~ It sounds lame but I wish to be beautiful on top of being a vagina.