at long last

My mind isn’t here anymore; it’s already in California… studying and going to school doesn’t hold up much interest to me anymore. I’d rather learn and discover life, maybe I am idealizing. I am prepared to be disappointed but I don’t see how I could hate any of this.

I’ve traveled to about 5 destinations so far, and my favorite was Boston… maybe cause I waited so long to go. It was even better than anything I could imagine. I can’t see Cali and BC letting me down. Toronto is alright, NYC is ok, Paris was pretty fascinating and Italy had its ups and down… more downs than up.

With trying to learn Japanese these days, I’m so excited about getting a culture shock. I realized that I don’t feel much these days and find everything to be kinda mundane. I hope to come back to MTL and regain an appreciation for it.

I might make a pit stop after Cali to Texas to visit (more) family. I gotta be a good daughter.

Some people might be jealous of my situation but I had to give up a lot to be here; no love life, no car, working too much to save up and passing up all opportunities to get promoted; I just can’t start something I know I cannot finish; there’s a time and place for everything and I find myself to be too immature to be in some type of commitment. I did what I could so that nothing held me back. In the end, what makes wanna change the plan I’d set up for myself a long time ago is the friends and bonds I’ve made over the last two years. People who’ve made my life worth waiting. Though, I know I’ll be unhappy if I stayed, I gotta be selfish for once in my life.

someone once told me that most women don’t marry the one they love but the best out of the ones who loves them; that seems to be the trend my life is currently taking. I don’t know that I’ll actually “get who I want” but option B doesn’t sound bad at all. In fact, this is the first time I’ve ever really been excited about marriage. It sounds nice… like a neverending summer.

~ by alittlefish on October 6, 2009.