I will post and update my schedule whenever I know of it. All “study” time can questionably be changed for hang-out time. All unclaimed time can be turned into hangage, also.
FALL SEMESTER
MON and WED, 17h05 to 18h PILATES CLASS
TUE, 18:00 to 20:15
WED, 11:45 to 14:30
Hangage and be before and/or after depending on what happens to my GYM plan and work schedule :)
my friends have been running around in the land of insomnia for the past few days because of new and old crushes. I can’t remember the last time I couldn’t sleep because of someone… or, rather I do remember too well.
Saosin’s Bury Your Head has a line that says: I’ll sleep tonight when you’re ok / and I haven’t said it’s ok. like I can’t sleep until we’ve spoken and I’m conviced that everything good in the world. That was 5 years ago.
Sometimes I am convinced that I am dead inside. Slowly, everyone I let into my heart made a farce and ate it for Thanksgiving. I don’t remember what it’s like to be alive and not cynical; to giggle in love-happiness. To have a crush on somebody and wonder if they’re into me. I am skeptikal of everyone who shows an interest in me; what is it that they like so much about me and why would they stick it out through thick and thin?
Love is an illusion.
There are so many levels of liking and loving; how do you know which one to pursue? what validates one person more than the other?
As I stare and take too long to ponder, all my options die and life goes on. I wish I could dive in head first and not think, but I know that ultimately I come back to this form of thinking and end up hurting the other person.
I am single because I don’t wanna hurt anybody else. I think that ironically, I am hurting myself in the end. But I am so used to being like this; I don’t even know where to start if I wanted to change.
I think people mistakenly believes my life to be easy. I just follow the wind, say and do the first thing that goes through my head: no.
I can feel myself constantly registering information and processing it. In, out, in, out; which information is relevant? Because I am always ready to be proven wrong, I often get challenged and am left to start over. I admit that I know nothing.
Because I bend with the wind, I often find myself never really fighting for anything, or really wanting anything. I am a pacifist. I often wonder if that’s the best philosophy; if I’m floating through life then what is my real purpose?
I don’t really know what I’m doing or who I am. I’m learning to be normal. What is normal but being slightly more reserved and stable? When I bore myself, I do the opposite of what is expected of me or the opposite of what I want to do.
I have a hard time finding myself interesting or worth someone’s time, energy, expectations and dreams. Maybe because that’s how I feel about other people; that’s why I project it onto them. because I don’t appreciate people for who they are without wanting to change them, it’s highly immoral for me to expect to be liked for who I am, and for my shenanigans to be put up with.
I guess in the end, the problem is me. A bad thought = a lack of worth.
toonies and loonies.
I don’t get it, these words don’t exist in French and I always get them confused and mixed up.
a loonie is a crazy person or that coin that isn’t a toonie. and what is a toonie but the one that isn’t a loonie? I don’t know if I’ll ever learn to differenciate them, I’ve been working the cash for over three years and I still haven’t learned.
for a mezzo:
equal portions of skim and soy milk to the top line. add a teaspoon of vanilla yogurt using the long spoon. add 4+ scoops of matcha to taste. add a Vivanno scoop of ice and blend!
I, Isabelle Xieu Tieng Chang, have lost to my brother, Daniel Tak Man Wong, the first and the second tip war.
my work these days consists of consistant weekday 6am shifts. you notice details and patterns of the first bus, first metro crowd.
at the bus stop, I get to watch the 380 going to Côte-Vertu pass by then get on the 171 going to Henri-Bourassa at 5:11. then I get to stand 10 minutes waiting for the metro which always arrives semi-full from Laval. It’s nice to know that my bus can be consistantly late with no consequence on me catching the metro.
Waiting for the bus with an old man, young man coupling and a senior man. Waiting for the metro with a young painter kid. A crowd getting off at Crémazie metro, and a morbidly obese woman getting in at Jarry. Getting off at Berri to catch the transfer. Old man in a suit and a toupet who gets the newspaper from his friend at PDA metro and gets off at Peel. Black man that gets on a PDA and hits on this woman for one stop cause she gets off at McGill. Watching bums sleep at McGill. Hazingly getting off at Peel to get to work. Time of arrival: 5:55.
When I go the other way, which I’ve always preferred, I have to wait at the turnstiles for the metro to open, and I always arrive a few minutes after 6. Just goes to show that the bus arrives early but I always arrive later.
On a different note, I got an amaZing drink from Jugo Juice and am outraged at the price. Almost 7 bucks for a drink with only matcha powder, soy milk and yogurt. I paid for it once but I’ll learn how to make it at Starbucks for free… and then, I’ll make it at home! Fucking outrageous price. An Iced Green Tea Latte doesn’t even cost that much.
Also, I got myself this awesommme costume this year. This’ll be the first time I go all out on dressing up and I’m psyched.
My mind isn’t here anymore; it’s already in California… studying and going to school doesn’t hold up much interest to me anymore. I’d rather learn and discover life, maybe I am idealizing. I am prepared to be disappointed but I don’t see how I could hate any of this.
I’ve traveled to about 5 destinations so far, and my favorite was Boston… maybe cause I waited so long to go. It was even better than anything I could imagine. I can’t see Cali and BC letting me down. Toronto is alright, NYC is ok, Paris was pretty fascinating and Italy had its ups and down… more downs than up.
With trying to learn Japanese these days, I’m so excited about getting a culture shock. I realized that I don’t feel much these days and find everything to be kinda mundane. I hope to come back to MTL and regain an appreciation for it.
I might make a pit stop after Cali to Texas to visit (more) family. I gotta be a good daughter.
Some people might be jealous of my situation but I had to give up a lot to be here; no love life, no car, working too much to save up and passing up all opportunities to get promoted; I just can’t start something I know I cannot finish; there’s a time and place for everything and I find myself to be too immature to be in some type of commitment. I did what I could so that nothing held me back. In the end, what makes wanna change the plan I’d set up for myself a long time ago is the friends and bonds I’ve made over the last two years. People who’ve made my life worth waiting. Though, I know I’ll be unhappy if I stayed, I gotta be selfish for once in my life.
someone once told me that most women don’t marry the one they love but the best out of the ones who loves them; that seems to be the trend my life is currently taking. I don’t know that I’ll actually “get who I want” but option B doesn’t sound bad at all. In fact, this is the first time I’ve ever really been excited about marriage. It sounds nice… like a neverending summer.
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